Episode 42: Navigating the Holidays as an Expat

The holiday season can be stressful for everyone! But as an expat, what happens when you no longer live near family to celebrate? In this episode, join Chandra as she helps you to navigate your options and reminds you that what you decide this year, you don't have to stick with forever.

Plus, stayed tuned to hear about the magical choice, that is this episode's "Chan Select"!

• This episode's "Chan Select": Diagon Elley (click here for their Instagram page).
• Follow us on Instagram: @Expatriotical
• Episode Reference: Episode 25: Home Leave Trips
• Quote of the Day: "Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love." -Hamilton Wright Mabie

"Live and Travel in the Know" with Expatriotical!

Transcript

Bienvenue, Benvenuti, and Welcome to Expatriotical, the podcast for expats, travelers, and other adventurous souls. I’m Chandra Alley and after living as an expat with my husband and 4 children in two different countries for 6 years, I’ve learned the arts of pivoting during pitfalls, traveling tastefully for less, and soaking in amazing new cultures without losing your own.

Join me, as we dive into the joys and challenges of travel and the expat life in every episode!

You guys!! It is officially the holiday season, and I could not be more excited! Whether you celebrate Christmas, which is what I celebrate, or Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, there's so much excitement in the air, but there can also be a bit of stress.

As expats, we kind of have to make a decision around this time about what we're going to do. We don't live at what we would quote unquote call home anymore. In fact, we have an entire episode that kind of touches on the subject of "home". You can listen to Episode 25: Home Leave Trips to hear more.

If I'm honest, you have probably already made the decision of whether to go home or not. Because when this episode airs, it will be December 4th. But if you haven't, this could come in handy, and even if you already have, maybe listen to this and keep all the little tidbits that are helpful, tuck them in your back pocket for next year.

The first thing to think about when it comes to navigating the holidays as an expat, is whether to go home, to your country of origin, or not. And there is no right or wrong in what you decide here. Making this decision shouldn't be formulaic, and what you do one year does not have to apply to the next. You need to judge your situation. See how your immediate family is doing, see how your extended family is doing, and probably see what your budget is like.

If your immediate family is doing well, you have the money in the budget, and you have an ailing family member back in your home country, you may want to choose to go back.

If you feel like your children would have a hard time going back to your home country because they just got here a few months ago to your new country, and your extended family is fine and even if your budget is fine, you may choose to stay to help them, meaning your children, get rooted in your immediate family being where home is. Or, you may choose to go and hope that that time back in your home country refreshes them and makes them ready to come back to your new country.

For my family, we have been expats for just over six years now, and we have never gone home for Christmas. I'll talk more about that later, but it has actually been seven years since we have spent Christmas with our extended family. Because back in 2017 when I had three small children and had been toting them from Seattle to Colorado and back or from Texas to Colorado and back every single Christmas season, that year I wanted a break and I wanted them to be able to wake up in their own beds for Christmas. So, we celebrated Christmas at Thanksgiving time with both of our families, and stayed home for Christmas. It was actually a really sweet time together, and I loved the Christmas at Thanksgiving that we had with our extended family.

But little did we know that eight months later we would be moving to Italy. If we had known that, I definitely would've chosen to suck it up and spend one more Christmas with our families.

But just because we've done the “stay in our current country” thing for six years, doesn't mean that we have to stick with that. In fact, as we were trying to plan out some of our upcoming school breaks, as I've mentioned in previous episodes, here in France kids are in school every six weeks and out of school every two weeks, other than the summer vacation which is about 8 weeks, so Chris happened to be searching for things on the website for Air France.

And he told me that they were having a really great deal. A deal that was so good, it was almost 1/3 of the price of what we would normally pay in the summer for our entire family to go back to America and it was at Christmas time.

So, we thought about it, and prayed about it, and I even mentioned it to a couple of friends and they were like, "you would be crazy not to go!"And we finally decided to purchase the tickets. So unbeknownst to my children, and kids if you're listening right now, we are going to Denver this year for Christmas!

My kids have even listed that on their Christmas list as something they would like, and normally that's an item that we cannot oblige them with, but this year we could. And I'm so excited that we get to do it!

Now let's talk about the practicalities of going back to your home country to celebrate for the holidays.

First of all, it might be a good idea to make it a weekly practice of checking a couple different airlines to see if they're offering deals. That way if budget is an issue, you may be able to take advantage of a sale.

Secondly, figuring out how to split your time. For us, most of our family is in Colorado, but my dad and his side of the family live in Arizona and California. And since we don't have as much time for this trip as we normally would take in the summer, and because we will be going to California this coming summer as well, and because the deal was only to fly to Denver, we will just be in Colorado. It's a bummer that we can't connect with them at Christmas, but I've also learned not to stretch myself too thin and try to force things to happen.

So we will be splitting the time about 50/50 with my mom’s side of the family and Chris’ side of the family.

Now let's talk about packing. The thing about the deal we got with Air France, is that we only get to bring a carry-on bag and a personal item. Other than Chris, who has a higher travel status due to traveling for work, getting to check a bag, we’re going to have to make everything fit in a carry-on suitcase and a backpack.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit intimidated. Because we're going to Colorado and it's not summertime, so we need to be packing, sweaters, and pants, and not our usual shorts and T-shirts, which makes it a lot easier to get everything in a carry-on suitcase and a backpack, within the combined weight limit of 12 kg which is just under her 26 1/2 pounds for my American listeners.

But, I know because we'll be staying with my mom and Chris's parents, that we can do laundry. So I will only be packing 5 to 7 days worth of clothes.

Now there's the issue of presents or gifts. I pretty much plan to bring nothing or almost nothing in the way of gifts from France. Due to that weight limit and only getting to check one bag. So since currently it is the week of Thanksgiving, and Black Friday deals are abundant in America, and even here in France. Even though they don't celebrate Thanksgiving, amazon, and other companies are definitely taking advantage of people's willingness to shop for the holidays!

Currently, we are waffling with the idea of maybe doing Christmas with our immediate family, that's me and Chris and our four kiddos, early. Or at least some of it early. And all of the gifts for nieces and nephews and parents, will be purchased ahead of time via Amazon, or Kohl's, or Target, or what have you.

So Mom and Tami, please don't open any of those boxes! Just kidding! You probably need to open those boxes so we can be sure that all of the gifts are correct!

As far as what my kids will be receiving, we will be going for lightweight gifts, possibly electronic devices like a kindle or an mp3 player, because they are on sale right now because it’s Black Friday. Another practice that we have already started years ago was for my kids to get experiences. My mom especially will buy them memberships to something they like, last year she made, well, I made, a book of coupons that had three things that she would pay for that they could do here in Paris. And ironically, she even got to do one of those things with them when she visited in May, and we went to see the Egyptian light show at the Atelier des Lumieres.

Clothes, books, and small toys are all also things that might be more doable with bringing home. And if I'm really honest, I am contemplating, because there are several things that we need from America that have nothing to do with gifts, of bringing an extra suitcase and packing it inside of Chris's larger suitcase so that we can bring things home. As I write this, I have not passed this idea by him, because I haven't had the time, but who knows, it may be worth that extra $70 or euro, one way, to bring things home. Although inside of me, I cringe at the thought of paying for that.

Now let's move on to the people that choose to stay in their new country. All that other stuff I mentioned before was literally me sharing my plans for what I hope to do in a few weeks, but this one I have lots of experience with.

Our first Christmas in Milan was very special. Caleb was only five weeks old and so we didn't go far or do much. We enjoyed a cozy and intimate time together opening presents at home. But a couple of days after Christmas we bundled everybody up and went into the center of Milan to the Christmas fair that they had at Giardini Indro Montanelli, which is a park that we were familiar with because the hotel we had just lived in for the first 10 weeks of our time in Italy, was only a few blocks away.

The two bigger kids wrote a roller coaster, Chris and I had Gluwein or mulled wine if you will, and the three oldest kids went ice-skating for the first time!

It wasn't much, but it was special and it was just what we needed that Christmas. The next year, when Caleb was one, we took a much bigger adventure. Two days after Christmas, we took a night train from Milan to Vienna. We were all so excited and it was a lot of fun! And some of the activities were part of the kids' Christmas gifts. From us, they got a trip to the zoo and they got to pick out whatever stuffed animal or toy from the gift shop that was €20 or less and small enough to fit in our bags.

From my mom, they had opened figurines from the movie, Frozen, as a hint to their actual present of going to see Frozen 2 in the theater in Vienna in English. Finding movies that were English when we lived in, Italy had been almost impossible. And so we only ever went to the movies. I think two times and we watched them in Italian. So this was a real treat!

And we also took them to the children's museum inside of the Schonbrunn Palace, which they absolutely loved!

But I think that their favorite part was staying the night on the train! I could pretty much say that for all of us, except for maybe Chris. As, on the way home to Milan in the middle of the night, I suddenly heard him cry out, “No Zay, stop! Don’t!” I asked Chris what was the matter and he said that Isaiah, who wasn't yet potty trained, had peed all over Chris and the bed in his sleep. So poor Chris got up in the middle of the night and took a cold shower in the communal bathroom of the train.

I personally will never forget it! And now Chris definitely laughs about it, but at the time it did put a damper on our ride home.

Even last year, a few days after Christmas, we traveled by train to Strasbourg and visited the towns of Colmar and Obernai (or maybe you say it O-ber-nay, I’m not sure). Though we had made the mistake of thinking that the Christmas markets in Strasburg would be open (and we even researched a little bit, but we were incorrect) they weren't open and had closed on Christmas Eve. BUT Colmar and Obernai still had wonderful Christmas markets open, and we really enjoyed taking a train from Strasbourg to go see them, enjoy the regional food, and take in a new part of France!

One last thought, for those that choose to stay in their new country, is that this is a great opportunity to make new traditions! Something that we've began here, and which we may actually try to do before we leave to go to America for Christmas, is visit the Tuileries Gardens and the Christmas market there on a weeknight.

We arrive, we have dinner from one of the different food vendors, and then Chris and I will grab a cup of mulled wine, and then let the kids choose one of the rides that they'd like to try. Usually they choose an amusement house or a fun house, which here in Paris as long as they stay in and don't exit, they can be in there as long as they want for only five euros and we love it. And Chris and I enjoy the fake bubble snow and the wonderful Christmas carols playing, and just the festive feeling of the season as we watch our children play!

But maybe you live somewhere where they don't celebrate Christmas, or Hanukkah, or whatever it is that you celebrate. There are also many things that you can do to create new traditions. For example, you could start a tradition of putting together a puzzle as a family, have an all-day movie marathon with your favorite film series in your pajamas, or let each member choose a new and interesting food item from the market to try and then have a taste testing party!

The options are limitless! All you need is a little imagination. Whatever you choose to do this year and in the years to come, make sure you do it with joy, and that you enjoy your family! And those are the ideas that I have, at least, for navigating the holidays as an expat!

Now let’s jump into this episode’s “Chan Select”! A film series that our family tends to watch during the holidays, be at Thanksgiving, or Christmas time, or whatever, is Harry Potter. Both my husband and I have read all seven books, and our kids are currently listening through the series on Audible. But on cold and dreary days, snuggling up with some throw blankets and watching those movies can be really delightful!

Now Harry Potter itself, or himself, is not my “Chan Select”. But because our family enjoys this series so much, a restaurant here in the Paris area with a theme of Harry Potter is a favorite, especially for the kids! The restaurant is called Diagon Elley, named after the magic alleyway called Diagon Alley, where Harry and his friends get all of their school supplies before they head to Hogwarts.

To avoid infringing on any trademark laws, you might notice that I said Diagon Elley, spelled E-L-L-E-Y. But even though the spelling is off, the food is not! They serve delicious gallettes, which are savory versions of crêpes, crêpes themselves, and amazing Burgers! And of course, don't forget the Butter Beer! That could also be spelled differently, because I don't know if that's trademarked, and I didn’t pay attention to that on the menu, but I recently had one for the first time, and I was so surprised!

It comes out, looking buttery and delicious and topped is whipped cream. And when I asked what was in it, the server said, beer, ginger, cinnamon, honey, and a bunch of other stuff and I thought wow that's an interesting flavor profile. But when I tasted it, I was transported to the Leaky Cauldron and couldn't believe how good and authentic it really was. I, of course, have never actually been to the town of HogsMead, but with the Diagon Alley backdrop, wands on the wall, house flags hanging, and candles floating in the air, I kind of feel like I have already been in the area!

I will be sure to include Diagon Elley’s website and instagram handle in today’s show notes and as always, I am not an affiliate, just a fan.

And now for our quote of the day. To keep with our holiday theme, which we're going to try to do most of this month by the way, our quote is definitely seasonally inspired. It comes from American essayist, editor, and critic; Hamilton Wright, Mabie. He said, "Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” and I absolutely agree!

That's it for this episode everybody. But before I sign off, I would like to ask, if you're new here, or maybe even if you've been listening for a while, and you like what you hear. Would you take a moment to rate the podcast and write a review? Especially if you happen to listen to Expatriotical on Apple podcasts. It's one of the platforms that allows you to not only give me up to five stars, but also say a kind word about what you think about the podcast. And it helps other people out there that are searching for something like this, to find this community, by boosting it in the algorithm. So that when people search, we will hopefully be one of the first things to pop up!

Thank you so much guys, I really and truly appreciate it! I'll meet you back here again next week and until then this is Chandra Alley, reminding you to “Live and Travel in the Know", with Expatriotical.