Episode 53: One Year of Expatriotical & Five Years After Covid

Expatriotical is celebrating its 1st anniversary!! So to celebrate Chandra shares a big announcement and also shares about one of the hardest times she experienced as an expat… the COVID-19 lockdown in Italy.

Plus listen all the way until the end to hear how you can be a part of the podcast too!

• This episode’s “Chan Select”: the new Expatriotical website
• Follow us on Instagram: @Expatriotical
• Episode Reference: Episode 10: Hospitalizations- Chandra Edition, Episode 11: Chandra Answers Your Burning Questions, Episode 49: Navigating Feelings of Loss as an Expat
• Other References: hello@expatriotical.com

"Live and Travel in the Know" with Expatriotical!

Transcript

Bienvenue, Benvenuti, and Welcome to Expatriotical, the podcast for expats, travelers, and other adventurous souls. I’m Chandra Alley and after living as an expat with my husband and 4 children in two different countries for 6 years, I’ve learned the arts of pivoting during pitfalls, traveling tastefully for less, and soaking in amazing new cultures without losing your own.

Join me, as we dive into the joys and challenges of travel and the expat life in every episode!

Hey guys! Today is or this week is the one year anniversary of Expatriotical and there is so much that I have to say today. I have vacillated as to how to approach this episode. It feels like a big deal, but I also don't think I have enough content to go on and on about the nuances of how this podcast got started. And I also don't want to bore you.

But I do think I want to share with you here, where I hope the podcast will go. And also, I want to share with you about a season in my life as an expat, where I probably could've used something like this podcast the most, but didn't have anything like it.

Part of my hope for Expatriotical and this community is that it would grow so vast that we would need other ways to be able to be connected. Right now it's mainly just me talking to you all. But as of today that is going to change. And I will tell you about that and that big change at the end of the episode!

But first, I'm going to dive into a topic and a time in all of our lives that was really challenging and also very controversial. But I've been seeing a lot of people, a lot of other people talking about it so I thought maybe it's been enough time now. And ironically, this One year anniversary week for Expatriotical falls on the five year anniversary of the last week of normalcy or normality for me and my family in the year 2020 before we went into lockdown in Italy.

Yes, I'm talking about the COVID-19 lockdown. This subject of Covid is actually the fourth thing on my list that I have of the notes on my phone of ideas to write about for different episodes. But honestly, I don't think I was ready for a while to write about it or talk much in detail. And I wasn't sure if people were ready to hear about it either. Or for it to be brought back up.

But as I'm hearing people talk about it more and more in media and on social media, I think there might be enough distance for me to share my experience. Because I honestly think that other than people living, maybe in China or other Asian countries, where it hit first, other than that, the country of Italy had the first lockdown, and probably one of the most severe lockdowns.

But let's back up to January 2020. I honestly didn't know anything about what was going on until I had dinner with a newer friend at the restaurant attached to the Cascina where we lived. Their family was going through some transitions with her husband's work and I was asking her what she thought they would do. And she said she wasn't sure because she was really watching what was going on in China. And she said that she took screenshots and she showed them to me, of things that have been published in the news in China, because if I remember correctly, she had lived there before, but then those things were forcibly removed from the media and you couldn't find them anymore.

But it was showing that within a short amount of time a hundred thousand people in China had contracted this mysterious virus. Because I don’t want to be a fear monger I recognise that statistically 100,000 people in a country which has 1.4 billion people as its population, not as big of a number as it sounds. It’s actually equivalent to like 1 in 10,000 people. But still it felt like a lot.

OK, enough about numbers, but when she showed me that I was like, “huh that's weird.” I know that sounds very naive, but I had no idea what was going on. And shortly after that, we started hearing whisperings of things in the news in Italy and the first official reported case was on February 21st, exactly 4 years to the day before the first episode of Expatriotical launched (which was absolutely not intentional), and it was reported in a little town in the region of Lombardia or Lombardy, Italy. Which is the same region where we lived.

It was later discovered that Covid was found in sewer water in Milan that had been collected in September 2019. Which honestly has had Chris and I speculating as to if the virus that caused Carson for it to have spiked Kawasaki disease in Carson, could it have been coronavirus? But we’ll never know. And honestly, it doesn't really matter anymore.

Anyway, on February 21st, Chris, myself, the kids, and also my mom, were skiing in the Italian Alps. Which sounds really fancy, but actually it was just Chris that skied, and the rest of us went sledding because the ski school was already filled up, but we were having a lovely time. But on our way back, we were starting to hear news of the Italian government, shutting down flights and airports. And my mom was supposed to leave or scheduled to leave that following Monday, February 24th. And we were starting to get really nervous that she was going to get stuck in Italy.

But by the grace of God, she made it home safe safely and she was well. But on that Sunday before, February 23rd, we got an email from the American school of Milan, where the kids, well Lilliah and Carson, attended school, that we would be shifting to online schooling. And that Monday there would be no instruction, but that they would send word soon of how to proceed.

I remember on that day, on that Monday it was unusally warm and so we all had a playdate at the park just outside of the Cascina. And the kids laughed and played, and we, my girlfriends and neighbors, chatted about what we thought might happen in the weeks to come.

That first week a model of schooling was set up using video calls, the seesaw app, and Google classroom. For Carson, it was thankfully mainly a video that his teacher lovingly made every day to share the next morning, which would explain what kind of assignments they would be doing and kind of resemble their morning meeting because he was only in pre-K.

For Lilliah, who was in the 1st grade, the schedule was a bit more grueling. She was on video calls most of the day, with a block schedule, she had a lunch break thrown in there, and in the first couple of weeks she had outdoor gym and recess time.

In that first week, we did school in different areas of the house because there were no desks, but since stores were still open, we realized by the end of the week that Lilliah and Carson needed desks. So we drove to IKEA and bought two €40 desks to set up in their room. And they still use them to this day.

I remember the gym teacher sending different activities that they could do, and also links to Cosmic Kids Yoga, which became a family favorite!

Depending on when gym was supposed to be, sometimes I would do activities not only with and for my kids, but also for my friend Jena's kids as well. And I really have precious memories that I had kind of forgotten about until today, of me instructing the kids or Chris instructing the kids right out outside our house doing jumping jacks and all of these different activities and exercises.

But after the first two weeks, things changed. And on March 9th, all non-essential workers were required to work from home. That meant Chris would be working from home as well. So we turned our guest room into an office. We were blessed to have the extra space to be able to do that, as I know many people did not.

I honestly was really happy to have him there, as it had been challenging to try to do all of the things, teach, cook, clean, be the nurse, and the entertainment, all by myself. Chris took over cooking breakfast, something he did for the rest of the time on weekdays in the mornings until we moved to Paris.

It also felt nice to have him home, because if I'm really honest to us, the Moms that were caring for our kids who couldn't go to school anymore or have any sort of socialization, it felt like the kids were getting punished, when their demographic was not being affected by Covid, so (and this was obviously early on so we really didn’t understand a lot of transmission and that sort of thing) so it made sense to me when finally the adults were required to stay home too.

After that, things got a lot more strict. Face masks were required, and I remember the first face masks given by the commune or the local government, honestly looked like a thin woven paper with cut outs that would go over your ears, and were more of a shield that would go over your face.

But that week we were still allowed to be around people, so we celebrated Isaiah’s 3rd birthday outside with Jena and her family and I even went to a larger grocery store that wasn’t in my community to get essentials of Starbucks coffee and cheddar cheese slices. That was the day I fell in Jena’s front yard and sliced my knee open and had to go to the Emergency room to get stitches. And you can hear more about that in Episode 10: Hospitalizations- Chandra Edition.

Going to the hospital that day is what made me realize that the rumors or images that we were seeing on the news, were true. And it was scary. There were people laying on gurneys in the hallway, waiting to be seen. There were nurses and doctors in white hazmat looking suits, caring for a bunch of elderly people laying in hospital beds, all behind glass.

Thankfully, my time in the hospital was brief, but I left there a different person. I was in much awe and reverence of the people that were going in everyday caring for complete strangers who had also had their lives completely turned upside down.

Around this time, Chris's employer offered to pay to send me and the kids home to America if we wanted. But we were three weeks in, and we thought, and when I say we, I mean, collectively me and the other expats and the people living in the Cascina, we all thought, “It’s probably gonna only last a couple more weeks.” And I didn't want to leave Chris. I had just been in the hospital. What if he got sick, and then I couldn't get back and get to him? What if he got sick and died alone in the hospital?

So we stayed. And another two weeks passed, and then another three weeks passed, and so on and so forth.

After my time in the hospital, things started to hit the United States. And even if it sounds sick and twisted and selfish, at first, it seemed like OK we're not in this alone. But as things continued, and I was hearing terms like social distancing, I realized that the experience that my friends and family were having in Colorado, and Texas, and California even, were nothing like what I was experiencing in Italy. And that’s not to knock their experience, but I was realizing that it wasn’t the same.

In America, a lockdown meant… it was suggested that you should stay inside and not be around as many people. Whereas in Italy, it was the law. Whenever I would go to the grocery store, which was only on Mondays and Thursdays, I believe, because it was organized by your surname or your last name when you could actually go buy food, I kept an affidavit or type of government permission form in my car, which was supposed to be filled out, but I'm gonna be really honest that I never filled it out. I always just kept it in case I got pulled over, to explain… you had it in there to explain why you were leaving your house.

And then on April 16, when I suffered an ischemic stroke (again you can listen to Episode 10 to hear more about that), and my dear friend Joni drove me to a neurologist in the center of Milan, she could have been fined €3500 for being out without a permissible reason.

Other than doctors appointments, meaning our own doctor’s appointments or appointments for people under our care, and buying food, we were not allowed to leave our house or our property at all. If you had a dog, this was one exception, and you were allowed to walk them no more than a 250 m radius from your door.

This was extremely frustrating since I had four children and no dog, but 4 children who also needed exercise, and I joked about buying a dog costume on Amazon and then putting a leash on them so that they could at least pretend and go outside and take a bit of walk. Although of course, I never did that, but I did joke about it.

We were fortunate though, because we had a small back garden or backyard. And we spent many hours back there as a family. Playing soccer, having picnics, and just being together. When I look through the photo album I made of that time, I'm reminded of all the fun and creative activities we did to stay entertained. There was drive-in movie night, where we turned boxes, and laundry baskets, and different containers into cars for each of my kids, and they sat in them and watched a movie during family movie night.

There was bubbles and bubbles, where the kids played with bubbles while I drank Prosecco, which has bubbles, on a Friday afternoon in the backyard. And of course there was Friday pizza night. A tradition that was started because of the wonderful delivery service that Ristorante Borgo Di Vione (the restaurant attached to our Cascina) started, which enabled moms (and some dads too of course) in our area to get a break from cooking and doing it all.

And I'm sorry, I don't mean to be gender specific or gender biased, but I specifically say moms because there is that thing that we deal with called “mom guilt”. And let me just say I had a lot of it. In order to cook, and clean, and do the laundry, and take care of owies, and teach my kids along with their actual teachers, I kind of had to just ignore my younger two children.

I would put them downstairs in the playroom and check on them as much as possible. Obviously I would feed them, I'd put them down for their naps, but I didn't get to hold them a lot, they sort of just fended for themselves. As long as they were safe and I could do the other stuff and all is well. At least for that time being. And I felt terrible about it. I know that 17 weeks in a child's life is not forever, and that they probably don't even remember, but I do.

So that pizza delivery on Friday nights, which allowed me a meal of not having to cook and getting snuggle up with my babies, meant the world!

At the beginning of May, we celebrated Lilliah's seventh birthday, and like I mentioned in Episode 49: Navigating Feelings of Loss as an Expat, we broke the rules a little bit and had Jena and her family over and had cake, and toasted with a glass of Prosecco, and spent the evening together not only celebrating Lilliah's birthday, but as a last time of getting together before Jena and her family moved back to America a few days later.

Around May 15th, restaurants were allowed to open again, and so we went for the first time since February, to eat outside, thankfully the weather was nice, at Ristorante Borgo. And that same weekend we took a family bike ride into town and got gelato. I think for our family that taste of freedom… of getting to leave our house and take a bike ride and take a walk, tasted even sweeter than the gelato.

And shortly after that, travel within the region was opened up, and we went to Lake Como for the first time in probably a year or so, and it felt like the best thing ever. We started being able to see friends that had been trapped inside the city, our friends Elizabeth and Andrea and their daughter came out for lunch and we took a walk in the rice fields by our house, and the joy that we felt finally getting to see our friends again was just immense.

And even though things were beginning to open up, the kids still had to stay at home for school. And so on June 18th, when the last day of school arrived, after 17 weeks of homeschooling or hybrid schooling or whatever you wanna call it, the parents set up a celebration for and with the kids. There were water guns, Popsicles, and Prosecco, and it was wonderful!

I remember crying because those kids had worked so hard and been so isolated and it was finally over. At least for that school year, as the next school year there was a resurgence and Italy required the kids to do homeschooling again for about four or five weeks. And that was just the elementary kids, the highschoolers mainly did online school that entire year  or school year of 2020/2021.

So why am I sharing the story with you? It's certainly not for the catharsis, I probably feel honestly a little worse reliving some of those things than if I didn't think about it, but it's actually to share one of the reasons why Expatriotical exists.

That season of being an expat was one of the hardest seasons in my entire life. And I know that I'm not the only one who felt very alone and isolated. It was hard to be away from my family and friends in America, who were also going through their own trials, but couldn't really understand the extent to which we were suffering, if you will, in Italy. And that is kind of a theme when you’re an expat. You can explain things to family and friends, but a lot of times they don’t understand or sometimes you hear things like, “Well you did make the choice to do this.” Or things like that and it can be really challenging.

But I feel like if I would've had something like this to listen to, to know that I wasn't the only one experiencing such craziness, trying to juggle four kids, and homeschooling, and standing in line for an hour to get into the groceries store so that I could buy food twice a week. I feel like that voice would have been something telling me, “Yep, I’m going through this too, or I've already been through this and you're gonna make it!” I feel like that would've helped a lot.

And that's what I want with this podcast. I want people to feel seen and know that they are not alone. That there's a lot of us out there that are either currently going through the same thing or have already gone through the same thing and that we're OK. And that you are going to be OK too.

And my hopes and dreams for Expatriotical are that it grows enough to where we can build a network where you all can communicate with each other. You can share tips, you can share recommendations, and you can share “I've been there's”. And I believe that the first step in that direction to be able to do that is for you to have a way to share those things directly with me.

And that's why I am super excited and happy to announce my new website! Expatriotical.com is a place where you can access episodes, the Expatriotical store, you can inquire about the Becoming an Expat Presentation, and you can reach out to me directly with questions and comments via email.

In fact, that's the first thing that I'm hoping you will do! In Episode 11: Chandra Answers Your Burning Questions, I did my best to clumsily get feedback from you and see what you wanted to know more about. And this time I'm going to do the same thing, but in a different format.

For an upcoming episode, I'm asking you to send a voice note to me that can be aired in the podcast. Whatever question or questions pop into your mind, simply go to your voice memo app record it there with your name and where you're living and then email it to hello@expatriotical.com.

So for an example, your voice note might sound something like this: “Hi I'm Sally and I live in Paris, and I was wondering, when did you feel like you had finally adjusted to living in France?” Or maybe it's something like, “Hey this is Tina living in Tokyo, and I was wondering, how long did it take you to feel comfortable or like you actually started to really understand the Italian language?”

Those are just some examples and I'm sure that you can come up with a lot better questions than I just came up with off the top of my head, but I'm really excited to hear what you have to say and for others to hear it as well! I feel like this is one way that I can begin to help you connect with other people that are in your new city, your new country, experiencing a lot of the same things that you experience. And let's just be honest I'm super excited to hear from you!

And you can even send a voice note if you're not an expat. Maybe you have a travel question about going somewhere in Italy or France or Europe in general, I'll do my best to answer your questions in an upcoming episode.

Needless to say expatriotical.com is our “Chan Select” for this episode, I really hope that you go there and check out this website that I've been working really hard on, to get to you! Also a big thanks to my web developer who did a fantastic job.

And now for our “Quote of the Day”. Since I spent this episode talking about the isolation that was caused in 2020 by COVID-19. I wanted to give a quote that talked about what, for me, started the healing process. The quote comes from S. Kelley Harrell, and it says, “We don’t heal in isolation, but in community.”

And I believe that to be completely true. We were not made to be alone, and it's in community where we thrive. So if you're alone right now or feeling isolated, I would encourage you to step out… reach out into the community around you. It can be a lifeline. Or if you are a veteran expat and know of someone new in your community, BE the one that reaches out.

That's it for today everybody thank you so much for tuning in to the one year anniversary episode of Expatriotical! Again a reminder to send me your voice notes to hello@expatriotical.com. And I don't know what this year has in store, I don’t know how all of this is going to grow, but I really look forward to bringing you more great content and hopefully new things that will be helpful to you on your expat journey.

I'll see you back here again next week and until then this is Chandra Alley reminding you to “Live and Travel in the Know” with Expatriotical.