Expatriotical

Episode 48: Mistakes I've Made as an Expat

• Chandra Alley • Season 1 • Episode 48

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When you become an expat for the first time OR even as a veteran expatriate moving to yet another new country, mistakes are bound to happen. And from causing minor inconveniences, to potentially having horrific consequences, host, Chandra Alley has made plenty! In this episode she shares the mistakes she's made over the years as an expat, as well as ways that you can avoid those same errors.

Plus stay tuned until the end for an absolutely delightful and inspiring "Chan Select"!


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"Live and Travel in the Know" with Expatriotical!

Bienvenue, Benvenuti, and Welcome to Expatriotical, the podcast for expats, travelers, and other adventurous souls. I’m Chandra Alley and after living as an expat with my husband and 4 children in two different countries for 6 years, I’ve learned the arts of pivoting during pitfalls, traveling tastefully for less, and soaking in amazing new cultures without losing your own.


Join me, as we dive into the joys and challenges of travel and the expat life in every episode!


Hey everybody , happy Wednesday or maybe it's Tuesday or Thursday when you're listening. As I write this is actually Friday, but since Wednesday is the day that each new episode errors, I'm going to just say happy Wednesday and I hope that you're having a great week thus far.


Today we're going to talk about mistakes I've made as an expat. The idea for this episode came from actually one of the mistakes that I'm going to mention, and it was something I did recently, and I spent some time thinking about this and even sat down with my husband, Chris, because I had thought of one or some when I was like going to sleep or something like that and didn't write them down and then couldn't remember them. So he even sat down with me the other day and helped me remember some of these so here they are in no particular fashion, other than I am trying to give them to you chronologically as much as I can.


Some of these mistakes were not that big of a deal and were more of a nuisance and some could've had really big consequences, but I'm sharing them with you just to kind of have you think about things that you would do on the regular in the home country that you live in and you don't really think it, but then you move abroad, and the rules for things are very different or maybe you encounter something you've just never had to encounter.


The first thing on my list today comes from our first holidays spent in Italy. In America, when I was growing up, stores were closed usually on Thanksgiving day and also Christmas Day. Nowadays, I think that many stores when I say stores, I mean, markets or grocery stores, many stores are still open on Christmas Day and Thanksgiving or open part of the day and then close so that the employees can go home and spend time with their family


So coming from current culture in America and moving to Italy, the days after Christmas, which of course the stores were closed on Christmas and we expected that, and there were even signs that said that, we spend time at home and then on New Year's Day I needed some food. So we went out to buy some and discovered that New Year's Day is considered a big holiday too and not just the banks are closed, but also the markets and any sort of home furnishing stores. We were able to get by and we had enough food, but I remember being very surprised and frustrated that the stores were not open.


Along those lines, my second point of discovery was when I discovered that most retail stores are closed on Sundays. Now this can happen in some small towns in America, but in larger cities, typically H&M, The Gap, those larger retail stores are open on Sundays.


But I discovered that not only in Italy, but in Zürich, Switzerland when I went there in 2019, and other places, major retailers on major streets and in then  city centers are closed on Sundays. And though that was an adjustment, I'm actually really glad for that for them. Here in Paris, right when we moved here a lot of the stores in the mall were even closed. But now they have opened up and some are open, a lot of them are open on Sundays.


But if they're closed, that’s great. Their employees get a set day off and there’s no judgment, either way, but that’s definitely something to consider when you move abroad and need to either buy food or start doing shopping to know what stores or markets are open, if any, on Sundays or whatever major religious holiday it maybe in your area.


Again, along the lines of things being opened or I should say closed at unexpected times for me when we first became experts we restaurants. I've slightly mentioned this before, but it came as a big surprise to us when we moved to Milan, Italy, and discovered that between the hours of 3:00 and 7:00 in the evening, restaurants were closed. You cannot grab a quick bite to eat, a treat, or an early dinner. It's like employees work a split shift. They come in maybe around 10 in the morning, work until three, have some free time and come back from seven until 10 or 11 or later at night.


We are definitely used to that now, and I have to say that in Paris, I can sometimes find restaurants that are open before that. A lot of times you can get a drink, and their kitchen doesn't open till 6: 30 or 7:00, but in general, we have just kind of gotten used to this different way of life. But when you're living in a hotel and don't have a kitchen of your own to cook in, it definitely can be frustrating.


So that might be some research as you prepare to move to your new or next home country or your next country in general, to look into so that you're prepared and not thrown off and don't feel extra frazzled when you're trying to get a bite to eat or get something for your hungry kids.


Another mistake that I made a few different times in a few different ways was selecting USD or US dollar instead of Euro when paying. The first time I think I made this mistake was pulling money from the ATM. I didn't pay attention or maybe didn't understand if it was an Italian to what it was saying and when I selected that I was wanting to be charged from my account, in US dollars and the ATM was going to spit out euros, I probably spent an extra $40 in transaction fees beyond the exchange rate.


I'm sure we did the same thing at restaurant tellers or with credit card machines that recognize that I have a US card and ask how I want to pay. Obviously, if the exchange rate completely reverses, this might change and it might not be an overcharge, but for the last 6+ years the euro has been higher or stronger than the American dollar. And the way the currency/exchange rate goes. I always want to select euros so that I get a lower exchange rate debited and lower fees debited from my account.


The same goes when I pay for something on Amazon.it or Amazon.Fr. I always make sure, nowadays after making this mistake a couple of times whether I’m in a hurry or whatever, to select to pay in euros because I know now after experience that the rate that they're giving me in US dollars is inflated.


And my next mistake also has to do with Amazon, nothing wrong with Amazon (big big fan), but before we knew that an Amazon.it existed, we needed a DVD player that was an all region player. I discovered that TVs and electronics kind of speak different languages in different regions of the world.


So since we had all of our DVDs from America, we purchased a Blu-ray player that could understand our DVD’s language, from amazon.com. The Blu-ray player itself was a bit expensive, but we didn't realize that once it arrived in Italy, after already paying tax on it in America and really high shipping rates, we were going to have to pay import taxes. So we ended up paying another, I don't even know how much, at least probably €50 or maybe more to be able to accept or take ownership of said package.


I think shortly after that, we found out about amazon.it, but it was a pretty pricey mistake to make. Also, I just looked it up just so that I could share this with you that, when you move abroad. Make sure you search to see if the country that you are moving to has Amazon. Currently as of today, the day I'm recording, which is January 2025 Amazon is in 131 different countries. So you may not need to ship from the Amazon in your home country.


Another mistake that we made within the first six months of living in Italy, was not taking our immigration paperwork with us when we had to make an emergency trip to America.


When my stepdad passed away at the end of January in 2019, we had already had to get an emergency passport for Caleb and had to go to the American consulate in Milan and try to get a two month old baby to sit up properly in front of the photo machine to take a passport photo, it was a whole ordeal, and so in the mad rush of getting the passport back, getting packed and getting to America, we did not bring the in-process paperwork with us because we were not going into the Schengen region.


We had been instructed by the immigration company that was hired by Chris' employer to help us, that we could not enter the Schengen area, which is made up of 29 different countries in Europe, but not including the UK. And our tickets were for us to fly from Milan to either London or New York, and then on to Denver and then on the way back to fly from Denver to London, and then back to Milan. So we would not enter the Schengen area and thus thought we didn't need our immigration paperwork- in theory.


We got to America and we were there for not quite a week, had no problems going there or even going through customs at the Denver airport. But when we landed in London with four very tired children (on the way back), and I believe that we had been delayed a bit so we were needing to change flights or something, the woman looked at our paperwork and our tickets and she said she could not allow us to go beyond that point or to enter Italy because we didn't have our immigration paperwork.


Chris and I were talking about this the other night and to me I remembered it differently, but he said we couldn't do it because we didn't have a return ticket back to America. At that time Americans could travel to Italy and stay for up to 90 days without any sort of visa. But I'm assuming you needed a return ticket? Anyway, that's what Chris says was holding us up and the lady was extremely apologetic, but she said, “I cannot let you onto this flight because British Airways could get fined somewhere around 300,000 pounds or euro.” And she could get fired.


Thankfully, it was a weekday and Chris immediately started emailing the immigration company and they begrudgingly emailed us copies of our documentation and gave us a firm scolding that the next time we needed to bring all of our immigration paperwork with us so that this did not happen.


I say all that to say, always err on the side of caution when your paperwork is in process and take it with you. Even if you think the route you're traveling, is going to keep you in good graces. You also never know if you're going to be rerouted and may have to travel into an area where you need that paperwork.


For the next item, I really vacillated back-and-forth about whether or not to share this. Because I would never want to sound like I'm discriminating against anyone in anyway. A little background that I've mentioned before is that we grew up, for lack of better words, a bit poor. My mom was a very hard worker and worked multiple different kinds of jobs. I remember a few year period of time where she cleaned houses, and on bigger houses when I was old enough, she would pay me to come with her and dust and help her clean so it would go faster.


I say all that to say, I believe that if you can make money legally doing whatever, shoveling poop (I used to earn my allowance by breaking through 3 and 4 inches of chicken poop cleaning a chicken coop), so there is no judgment there, I don't care, I think more power to you. But if the thing that you do makes it to where you harass people, that's where I draw the line.


So with that caveat put in there about my deep respect for people that do different types of labor, I will share that another mistake that we made very early on, probably within the first week or so of living in Italy was accepting a bracelet from one of the peddlers selling them near the Duomo in Milan.


There are many of them around and they have beautiful brightly colored bracelets and they'll say “ 5 euro, 5 euro” whenever people come near them, and we had politely declined and said “no”. But one of these gentlemen said, “OK OK, you can have it for free here. Take it take it.” to either Carson, who was three at the time, or maybe Isaiah, who was a year and a half.


So we allowed him to take it, and proceeded on our way. The man proceeded to follow us and said started to say, “No, no €5. 5 euro.” He doggedly followed us and Chris had to honestly get in his face and said, “You said free. We told you we didn't want to buy this and you said free.” So we gave the bracelet back to the man and continued on our way.


I'm probably not doing a really good job relaying the anxious feeling I had, and the fear that my children had. Chris had to raise his voice and step between my pregnant self and our other three children cause this guy was like stocking us. The kids were scared, I was definitely nervous because the guy was aggressive, and it just felt terrible if I’m really honest.


From that time on, whenever I would get in that area or maybe around Parco Sempione, I would put my head down, avert my eyes and quickly walk past- ignoring them as they spoke to me. If I can be really honest, it hurts my heart to ignore people. I really don't like to do it, but if a person is going to harass me, then I find it's better to avoid them than to even engage in eye contact. Here in Paris, you can have similar experiences with the people selling Eiffel Towers, or sunglasses and that sort of thing near the Eiffel Tower, or at Trocadero.


Not telling you, you shouldn't buy one, but be aware that if you engage, they may follow you a bit.


OK, I hope that didn't sound terrible. I really just wanted to give that as a warning for people that are moving to a new area or maybe you’re if you're listening to this and you're planning a trip to these places, it's good to have a heads up.


Another mistake I had made earlier on within the first year of living in Italy, was accidentally erasing a dropped pin in my Maps app. I had dropped a pin when we were in Pisa with my friend Tasha, who had come to visit us, and we all wanted to go to Pisa and see the famous leaning tower.


We had left on the kids’ last day of school, jumped in the car and drove the 3+ hours from Milan down to Pisa. Arriving probably around 7:45 at night at the hotel. We got checked in and then our next mission was to get dinner in these kids that were really hungry.


This actually reminds me of another mistake that I made in Italy (and so I’m going to interrupt my story), and that was to drive into the “center” of the center or ZTL, that stands for Zona Traffico controlotto, which is prohibited to do so without a special permit otherwise you receive a fine. You can actually get special permits in Milan for like 5 euro and you can buy them ahead of time or even afterwards within 24 hours after you entered -online- but you have to have a permit.  The first time we got fined it was probably in Milan, and then I'm pretty sure we got fined in Genoa or Genova as well, because our navigation sent us through the ZTL, and we realized it too late even though we were in there for like a couple of blocks. And we would get these €40-€60 fines in the mail.


I've mentioned this before, but due to these random fines and import taxes, and that sort of stuff we started a sinking fund called “Because it's International” or BI squared. So now instead of it taking a chunk out of our income we just always have money to throw at these random crazy, unexpected expenses.


But I digress. So, because we had made the mistake of going into the ZTL in city centers before, we knew to park outside of the city center of Pisa. So we parked as close as we could get, and I dropped a pin. But then we started searching for restaurants. I had looked up a few reviews already, and somehow I accidentally deleted the pin for the car to get from one restaurant to another. Honestly, I think I thought you could drop more than one pin at a time and that's why I deleted it.


We found a restaurant, which was absolutely delicious. We felt like we were in a grotto, in fact that might've been the name of it, in Italian, had a wonderful time, wining and dining and decided to go see the tower of Pisa at night (after our meal) because we weren't very far from it. By then it was probably already 9:30 or closer to 10:00 at night when we finished dinner. And I was wearing Caleb, Isaiah was passed out in the stroller, but somehow Lilliah and Carson rallied for a while and so we made our way to see the tower.


This is where you're going to get a pretty good travel tip, in my opinion. When we got past the little alleyway that had been surrounded by houses and made it into the clearing and saw the tower lit up, standing all by itself and we were some of the only people around, it was amazing! It truly was stunning and jaw-dropping and we took all the photos and we didn't have to bump into people and it was just magical. We also went back in the daytime the next day and still took lots of pictures, but it was very crowded and so again that’s a nice tip if you want to see it and not have to be around a lot of people- is to go at night.


As we started to leave, we decided to get gelato and we ate gelato and Isaiah at that point had woken up and then Carson had fallen asleep and then after we got past the part we were familiar with. I went to navigate us to our car and I realized that I had erased the pin.


I felt like a total idiot, so then we just started walking and we walked and we walked with these four tired children thankfully we were all lighthearted and in good moods, but we encountered some strange things, nothing dangerous, but because this is a family friendly podcast I can’t really mention it, but it created memorable stories for myself and Chris and Tasha, but eventually we finally found our car.


Now I know technology has advanced a lot, and there's probably other ways to keep tabs on your car when you park nowadays, but if I'm honest, I still drop a pin, just in case. And now I remember not to delete it.


Another mistake that I've made regarding the car has happened here in France. And actually, I'm still researching it, as to if it really was a mistake. But I recently took the car in a few months ago to get the brakes changed and to get new tires put on. And when I was talking to the man a bit in French and a bit in English, he asked if I had what is called Carte Grise, which is basically your registration and proof of ownership.


In America, we keep our proof of registration in the car, usually in the glove compartment. But that is not necessarily your ownership. If you are still paying for your car, technically, the bank or whoever carries the loan owns the car, and so the title is with them. And even if you do own your car, you don't put the title inside of the car. But apparently the Carte Grise serves as both.


So I had been keeping it in the car for the two years that we owned it. But when I pulled it out of the glove compartment, the man took the registration and then told me that I should never keep that in there. And I said, “why?” and he said, “Because then somebody could, if they broke into your car, take it as their own.”


This is the first time that I realized that the Carte Grise also served as a title. So I actually looked it up so that I could get back to you and let you know if I had made a mistake or not. And what I have found on a website from a woman asking the same question about 10 years ago, is that it does serve as the registration so with the police if you ever get stopped, you probably need it to show to them, but yes if somebody broke into your car and stole it, they could process it and do a transfer of ownership.


Reading further down, it says that the steps to change the ownership are more than just forging a signature and it's actually quite a process and would be difficult to do.


So then I decided, to let you all “in” on my continued current journey, that I should ask my husband's French coworker what he does. And because of the magic of podcasting not being live and me getting the opportunity to ask Chris to ask his colleague, I can report back that his coworker never leaves his Carte Grise in the car.


Another mistake that I have made, after I stopped, carrying my passport in my wallet, which I did the entire time I lived in Italy, and the first year that I lived here, was to forget to grab my passport out of the safe and to go to the airport to travel to Italy. I arrived via Uber or taxi last March in 2024 at the Orly airport in Paris and I was actually talking on the phone or leaving a message for a friend of mine and I realized that I didn't have the passport and I freaked out and immediately alerted Chris that I may need him to drive all the way down to the airport and bring me my passport. He said he thought that I would be able to travel with only my Carte de Sejour. I’m going to say “carte” C-A-R-T-E means card by the way. I just said Carte Grise which means “gray card”, Carte de Sejour, which means “travel card”, which is a residence card. But “carte” C-A-R-T-E, excuse my horrible French pronunciation, means “card”.


So, I would be able to travel only with my “carte de Sejour” which is my residence card or travel card for living in France, but once I got in and asked the agent at the desk if they said “no”, he would, Chris would leave immediately and bring it to me.


So I ran in and went straight to the counter, and I told the lady working there that I had forgotten my passport, but could I travel with just my carte de sejour. Granted, I think I said all of this in French I'm pretty sure, which was a miracle, because I remember her reply being “bien sur”, which means “of course” in French.


I cannot tell you how relieved I felt to hear her say that. So I texted Chris and let him know that he didn't need to come. And I sailed through security and boarding and everything was no problem there and back.


Then, at the end of November in this same year, in that same year 2024, when I went back to Italy again, again in a bit of a state of urgency because it was for a funeral, I didn't bring my passport, but this time I didn't think anything of it. And when I got to the gate agent, he asked me for my passport and I said, “I'm sorry I didn't bring it.” And he said, “Well you need it.” And I mentioned how I had traveled on that same airline just a few months prior, before without it.


He said he would have to call and see if it would be okay. I immediately started praying in my head, "Oh God, please let them let me through.”  When he hung up from his phone call, he said, “Ok we’ll let you go, but next time you have to have your passport.” He was very kind and smiled and let me on my way.


Unsurprisingly, on the way back, the female gate agent said the same thing, made the same call, and thankfully, once again I was praying, they let me through again, saying I needed to have my passport the next time. Though she was not as gracious as the man and definitely seemed more annoyed. Like what I did was absolutely incredulous.


So, this may be common sense for most of you, but since I experienced it the first time accidentally, and it seemed like a totally legitimate way to travel since I am an EU resident and I have a residency card that shows it and I was traveling within the EU, I still recommend keeping your passport with you. Again, I'm sure some of you are literally rolling your eyes and hitting your foreheads, thinking, “yeah of course Chandra”, but I promise it was a very innocent mistake that I will not do again, at least not on purpose.


And the final mistake that I want to share with you today, and it's the one that I'm going to admittedly say I still keep doing. Is not giving myself enough time to travel or in transit when trying to get somewhere here in Paris. This also applied to Italy, but because we lived outside of Milan in the country, but I didn't take public transportation as much.


And part of this is a little bit of a personality quirk. I really don't like to wait around and do nothing. So if I have an appointment in the city, I'm usually trying to throw another load of laundry in to the washer and put the wet clothes in the dryer, get all the dishes washed up, and whatever so that my house is more manageable when I come back to it and then I have to go get my kids from school.


But due to Les Greves, or the strikes, that happen so often here in Paris, whether that's a public transportation strike, or a recent one was an agricultural strike, where farmers literally drove their tractors into the city and blocked traffic, or it could happen because buses are running late or a Metro stops and tells everybody to get off. I have literally have had this happen multiple times and have had to on occasion run to an appointment to get there- not on time- but reasonably or fashionably late.


So the lesson here is, don't be like me! Give yourself a little bit more time so that you're not frantic at the last minute.


And those are some of, I'm sure not all of them. But some of the mistakes I've made as an expat. I hope that you can learn from mine and avoid making your own!


OK, guys it is time for this episode’s “Chan Select” and I am super excited to tell you about it. I've actually been waiting and I feel like now is the right time because if any of you hear this and are living in Paris and haven't heard of her yet she's about to move and so you're going to want to reach out to her on Instagram as soon as possible.


But without further ado this week, I want to highlight a fellow tour companion, of the tours I go on with Xenia and parent at my kids’ school, Sujin. She is a ridiculously talented artist.


I first found out about her art from my friend Heather, yes that's the same Heather who did the wonderful interviews about international romance (listen to episodes 43, 44, and 45 to hear more). Heather and I were trying to come up with a going away gift for another friend and it popped into Heather’s head to get this friend a watercolor portrait. Heather showed me some photos and I was like, “These are amazing! Who did this?” And she said, “Sujin, who goes on the tours with us.”


So I immediately went on Instagram and started following her at her handle @drawingvoyage.


You guys I don't want to gush, but I was truly mesmerized, watching her reels and videos of how she works. How quickly she works, how beautiful her artwork is...


From historic buildings to family portraits, Sujin makes scenes come alive. The colors she uses are vibrant and deep and honestly, the way she composes a portrait or a painting it really invokes such emotion. If you think of somewhere you've been and how it made you feel, that is what Sujin can put on paper.


She is humble and just a delight as a person. And she's currently working on a way for you to buy something online, but if you're interested once you've seen her art, you can reach out to her on Instagram via her handle to either purchase artwork you've seen there, purchase a print, or have her do a commission piece. And I have to say that her commissions are so reasonably priced. It really reflects her humility and the love she has for her craft. I will be sure to include her Instagram handle in the show notes again that’s @drawingvoyage and as always, I am not an affiliate just a fan and a friend.


And finally for a quote of the day, I'm gonna make this short and sweet, but it relates to Sujin and what I think she does with her art. The quote comes from American novelist, Theodore Dreiser, who said, “Art is the stored honey of the human soul.”


And I think that is why Sujin's paintings are so sweet, they come from a well deep within and bloom for her paper on.


That's it for today everybody. I'm going to sign off here in a minute, but I want to tell you that next week will be the first of a couple important announcements. And for you to have easy access to the first one you need to be following me on Instagram. So if you haven't done so yet, would you mind while you're looking at Sujin's art or after you've reached out to Sujin about her art, if you haven't followed me on Instagram please go find me at @Expatriotical (that’s difficult to say) and click on the follow button.


Thank you so much and I can't wait to share with you next week the first of a couple of big announcements! Have a fantastic day everybody! This is Chandra Alley signing off and reminding you to “Live and Travel in the Know” with Expatriotical.