Expatriotical

Episode 18: Self-Care As An Expat

• Chandra Alley • Season 1 • Episode 18

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Everyone should practice self-care, but expats should even more. With the stresses of just every day living when you're abroad, you need to take time to rest, replenish, and renew. In this episode, Chandra shares some of her personal practices for self-care to help you discover things that might work in your own life.

Plus later in the episode, she shares a "Chan Select" that is accessible to everyone, no matter where you live! Listen in!


Like what you hear? Text and tell me!

"Live and Travel in the Know" with Expatriotical!

Expatriotical- Episode 18: Self Care As An Expat

 

Bienvenue, Benvenuti, and Welcome to Expatriotical, the podcast for expats, travelers, and other adventurous souls. I’m Chandra Alley and after living as an expat with my husband and 4 children in two different countries for almost 6 years, I’ve learned the arts of pivoting during pitfalls, traveling tastefully for less, and soaking in amazing new cultures without loosing your own.

 

Join me, as we dive into the joys and challenges of travel and the expat life in every episode!

 

Hello everyone!! It’s a gray June day here in Paris, but I’m not complaining because the sun was out earlier and it’s not raining right now, so all is well! And speaking of wellness, that’s sort or what today’s episode is about.

 

Today, we are going to be talking about self-care as an expat. There are a lot of different opinions about self-care, and I am sure there are a million ways that different people go about that.

 

BUT, to me we need to focus on practical budget friendly things that can help make living life in a foreign country easier. Because, let’s face it, there are a lot of obstacles that we face, just living our everyday lives as expats.

 

Honestly, I got this idea, last night when I was doing yoga. I have loved yoga, since I first tried it as a spry 21-year-old that didn’t really know exactly what it was, but was interested and curious. So I signed up to take a semester of it at West L.A. College and fell in love.

 

I have not always been good about practicing it though. In fact, I would go years without doing it. Not sure I did it even once, during the 3 years that we lived in Dallas, but I started back up after or maybe during, the timeline is a bit fuzzy for me, but during the time or right after the time of the Italian COVID lockdown in 2020.

 

Yoga came back into my life in two different ways, at that time. One way was from my friend Julie inviting me to join a yoga practice that had started back up in the Cascina, which was the community that I lived in. There were several of the women that lived there that enjoyed it and were a part of it and so an instructor would come and we would practice outside under an open air pavilion just in front of my house.

 

It happened to be during my boys’ naptime, so I would crank up the monitor and put it in the window so that if woke up I could hear them and go get them.

 

It was a beautiful way to practice and it was the first experience I had ever had of practicing outside. It was beautiful and I loved it. My friend Vesna, also joined that practice and one day when we were talking about doing yoga at home, she mentioned a Youtube practice that she liked, called Yoga with Adriene.

 

So I checked it out and loved it! I hadn’t been doing yoga so much because I love hearing someone else tell me which poses to do, rather than planning out my own practice, or let’s be honest, making it up as I go. And doing Yoga with Adriene, made it to where I didn’t have to plan and could listen to her calm voice guide me into different poses.

 

What I love about her channel is that I can choose a practice that will fit into my day and whatever I have time for. Last night I did a video that only lasts 11 minutes and 33 seconds. And one of my favorite videos of hers a 12 minute practice that she does on a beach in Nicaragua and you can hear the waves lapping against the sand during the practice. It is so relaxing and also really challenging if I’m honest. It’s not a super hard practice, but it definitely gets me sweating on occasion.

 

And for awhile I felt guilty about only doing these short practices, but then listening to Kendra Adachi talk about just doing one downward dog per day, in her book The Lazy Genius Way, and for her that made it to where after a year of doing just one, she could put her heals all the way to the floor, a feat which I can barely do. It made me realize that doing just a little bit, still counts!

 

I love yoga because it is a great way for me to do strength training versus lifting weights, which causes me to get bulky and then I feel like I look manly. It also is great for my flexibility and helps me not to have back pain as much. But I also feel it is so good for my mental health. When I do yoga I know I have done something just for me, that day. I finish and my body feels great and my mind feels relaxed and focused.

 

Here in Paris, I thankfully have joined a group practice as well, but if I’m honest my schedule really limits me and I’ve only gotten to do it a few times, but it is still wonderful.

 

And according to Johns Hopkins Medicine, yoga improves strength, balance, and flexibility. It can help give relief from back pain and arthritis symptoms and can also have heart health benefits. It relaxes you and so it can help you sleep better and can give you a boost in energy and alertness and even brighten your mood. It helps with stress management, and aides in promotion of self-care. And when done with others, it helps you to connect with a supportive community.

  

Now, I’m not saying that you have to do yoga, I’m just putting it out there as a great option for self-care. Whether it’s taking walks, running or jogging, doing Pilates, swimming, etc… having physical activity boosts endorphins and just helps you feel like a better you. It’s a fantastic way to take care of yourself not only during your stint as an expat, however long that may be, but also for the long haul, over your lifetime!

 

Okay, going back to the part where I mentioned doing the group session of yoga. What made that affordable or doable for me, because we always live on a budget, were two things: one, that it was only about €20 per session, which in my estimation is quite reasonable compared to other classes where you can pay a lot more than that. And the second thing was that we had created in our budget something called the Chandra Sanity or Chandra Self-Care fund.

 

I keep an Excel spreadsheet, yes I am that nerdy, so I can tell you that this started in August 2019. One year after we had become ex-pats. And that’s why I feel confident and saying that self-care is super important in general, especially if you are living abroad, away from family, out of your element, not speaking your language, it’s all a lot. I’m so if you can do this, I highly recommend having a small budget for self-care and getting started.

 

The fund was created for me to be able to grab a cappuccino and a brioche with a friend, or have lunch on occasion, and not take from our family eating out budget, or do something like have a yoga session in the middle of the afternoon. I wasn’t supposed use it to buy myself clothes or go on a major shopping spree, because we already had a budget for that. But it just gave me freedom, probably mentally more so than anything, to try to enjoy my new country and my surroundings more and not have guilt like I was taking away from the family. Because at that point in time we were still paying off debt and that was a big goal for us. And for those that don’t know me I am very goal-oriented.

 

Towards the end of our time in Italy, I also found another thing that I used my Chandra self-care fund for. Well, it actually came out of that and our “Because it’s Italy”, which is now our “Because it’s international” fund. And that was hiring someone to help me clean the house.

 

I may have some undiagnosed OCD. For example, I teach my kids to make their beds at the age of four, because if I walk into a room and the bed isn’t made, it’s like I don’t know what else to do and I can’t see what other issues are happening in that room. But with the bed made, I can see that, “oh we need to organize homework or pick up the books or put away the Legos.” I don’t know why am like that, but that’s just how my brain functions.

 

But the thing with actual cleaning part, I really disdain doing it. Growing up, my brother and I had to clean the house every Saturday. I would dust the whole house except for his room and then I would vacuum my room. And he would vacuum the whole house, except for my room, and he would dust his room. I don’t know why we had this rule of staying out of each other’s rooms, but it was probably wise on my mom’s part. As we got older and got into high school, and this also involved cleaning the bathrooms.

 

Now, I do not fault my mom for teaching us how to clean, I think it is an important life skill, super important! I just don’t love that we had to do every weekend, and I think that’s where my loathing of cleaning comes from, was the repetition of it, if you will.

 

So, it’s something that I want done, but it also stresses me out, if that makes any sense. And when I discovered that it was actually very affordable, at least compared to The United States, to hire somebody in Italy to clean, as soon as I could find someone that would come every other week to clean (for budgeting purposes- every other week), I was all over it.

 

The Chandra self-care fund was not and is not very big. It’s the same now as it was almost 5 years ago. It’s $50 a month. Which with the current exchange rate is about €45 a month. But it’s just enough to make it to where I don’t feel guilty doing a little something extra every once in a while.

 

And nowadays, we have a separate cleaning budget, but I’m so thankful I had that fund to get the whole thing started!

 

Another thing that I just realized, well maybe not just, but I have realized has become very much a self-care thing or things for me, are the tours I take with Xenia. I just mentioned her last episode, but to hear more you can listen to Episode 4: Hospitalizations- Child Edition.

 

Xenia’s tours give me something to look forward to. Even on the months where I only have one, I love seeing it on my calendar. And speaking of calendars, another self-care tool that I have discovered is using a weekly calendar it is physical and I can touch, and putting the events in it color-coded.

 

I am sure this is not a new idea to most of you, but I started it as a way to manage my time especially as I work on the podcast, the podcast part I started this year. And wanted to see where I would have time to fit it in podcasting, writing, etc... So the color-coding I use is like this: Black is for nonnegotiable appointments and things that have to do with the school. Especially when they are things that I’m not looking forward to. Which makes me sound like a bad mom, but Parent teacher conferences three or four times a year for four kids, is not always my fave. So those things like that and doctors appointments and renewing our residency permits and things like that, go into the calendar in black

 

Fun school appointments, like Carson’s recent poetry Reading, Sports day for Caleb, Mystery Reader for Isaiah, and an award ceremony for Lilliah; can go into the calendar as a peach color, along with other things that are good for me and enjoyable like Bible study, interviews for this Expatriotical, and yoga and running, etc…

 

Paying bills is always written in green, because money is green (well it used to me, in America), and Karen coming to clean, or even when I was cleaning myself, is written in light blue. But the piece de resistance, I’m probably butchering that, is when I get to right things in gold. These are things that are purely fun and for my enjoyment. So, tours with Xenia are written gold, lunch with a friend that I haven’t seen for a while will be in gold. Birthday parties, dinner parties, people coming to visit, and vacation, all are written in gold and the goal is to have at least one if not two things written in gold each week.

 

Last week, due to it being Chris’ birthday on Monday, a going-away lunch with a friend on Tuesday, a lunch with my dear friend Mallory who was back in Paris for a couple of precious days on Thursday, and a spontaneous invitation to a birthday party on Saturday, I had four things written in gold, which felt like the “fun times” jackpot! I do have to be careful though, because I need a healthy balance of work things and fun things, and the fun things tend to cost more money, but they are also vital, in my opinion, to my well-being and part of my self-care routine nowadays.

 

Other self-care ideas that I just googled, and I realize that I do a good portion of them are: Diaphragmatic breathing, which sounds really fancy, but it’s just really good deep breathing and there’s a lot of different ways to do it, but many times when I go to the osteopath, which is like a chiropractor sort of, she will tell me that my diaphragm is locked up. So deep breathing not only prohibits it from locking up, but it’s also a great stress reliever and helps to calm my busy mind or my emotions, if the kids are really riled up and noisy.

 

Continuing with the list of things that I looked up, and realize I actually do, is listening to music. On occasion I listen to music while I cook, but I frequently tend to listen to music when I’m in the shower. Not to have TMI (too much information), but that is when I have true alone time, and the kids don’t come in because they’re sleeping, and it’s just a really nice relaxing reset for me and music really adds to that.

 

Spending time in nature, which I live in the city, but since I’m kind of on the outskirts just walking around and looking at the trees and the flowers and listening to the birds chirp and hearing the wind rustle the leaves of the trees, can help me refocus and be more centered, if you will.

 

Calling a friend, which I’m going to insert sending a voice messages or sending a Marco Polo video, because this is something that really is helpful for me. Listening to podcasts, which you all know I love to do and it’s kind the reason why started one! Eating nutritiously is also on the list, which I always try to do for the most part…  sleeping, which I really could get better about, and reading a book.

 

Which again thanks to The Lazy Genius, Kendra Adachi, I have realized that even if I only read a couple of pages at night, or listen to a book on Audible, I feel good about myself and I know I can still call myself a reader. I will, by the way, put a link in the show notes so you can learn more about Kendra’s Lazy Genius Principles.

 

Okay I’m going to do something out of order this episode, because usually I put the, what we call “Call to action” at the end of the episode. But I think it makes more sense for me to mention this now. I would like to hear what some of the self-care tips that you have, expat or not, in your weekly or even monthly routine.

 

So, if you are willing to share, I would love to hear that and maybe we will be able to share them in a future episode. You can DM me on Instagram to share. My handle is @expatriotical. That’s the @ sign, E-X-P-A-T-R-I-O-T-I-C-A-L. Or at the bottom of the show notes for every episode there is a link that says, “Like what you hear? Text and tell me!” And you can click on that link and shoot me a text with your favorite thing to do for self-care!

 

Okay, and now it’s time for this episode’s “Chan Select”! Today’s pick is something that is actually accessible to everyone! It is the novel The Paris Library, by Janet Skeslien Charles.

 

I was first introduced to it, last year, so March 2023, when my kids’ school celebrated Reading Week. I mentioned my love for books in Episode 15: Bucket List Travel As An Expat, because due to our lack a funds, let’s call it growing up, going places in a book was the main way I could go anywhere.

 

So you can imagine how excited I am whenever there’s a book fair, and at my kids his current school, it’s not just a book fair, it’s an entire week-long event celebrating books and reading!

 

But Mrs. Ellis, the school librarian doesn’t just want the kids to have fun with reading, she makes sure the adults can have fun and get involved too! And last year she set up an evening cocktail and presentation with Janet Skeslien Charles about her novel The Paris Library.

 

It was fascinating getting to hear all that Janet had to say on her research surrounding the brave women and men who stayed in Paris during the Nazi occupation in WWII at The American Library of Paris. And then I personally really enjoyed the Question and Answer session afterwards as well. I ended the night with purchasing my own copy of The Paris Library, which the author kindly signed, “To Chandra: Happy writing! Don’t give up! Best wishes, Janet”.

 

The book itself is beautifully crafted, transporting the reader back to the cobblestone streets of Paris in 1939. I got personally involved with the characters many of which are actual people who lived and worked at The American Library of Paris during World War II. Janet wove a gripping story of love, heroism, and betrayal. I’m not going to give you all of the details, but I will say, for me, it is must read!

 

I will include a link for Janet’s website as well as her Instagram page in the show notes. And as an added bonus, you should know that Janet just released a new book, which in America is titled Miss Morgan’s Book Brigade and on this the Atlantic it’s called The Librarians of Rue de Picardie. (I think I’m saying that right, I’m not sure. But let’s say it with my American accent. The Librarians of Rue de Picardie.)   

 

Once again, I am not an affiliate or Janet nor is she paying me to promote her book, I’m simply a fan and wanted to share a good read!

 

Okay everyone, this episode has pretty much come to an end! I hope that you walk away with some really great takeaways or at least some ideas about initiating or maybe even expanding your self-care routine as an expat!

 

Remember, this is not something you need to rush into.  In fact, I would say lasting change happens slowly…  overtime. So maybe start by adding one thing this week and see if you like it. And if you’re having a hard time choosing which new thing to try. I want to share a quote that will serve as our “quote of the day” that may help you in this new practice.

 

The quote is from author Emily P Freeman. Whether I got this quote from her book The Next Right Thing, or from her podcast of the same name, I can’t remember, but I wrote it down in the calendar that I mentioned earlier in this episode, on the very first page. And the quote goes like this, “Pick what you like, and, see how it grows.”

 

And I think as you begin or continue your self-care practice that quote of seeing how things grow and how things go, will serve you well!

 

Ok guys, I am going to add one more call to action, just because I’m a creature of habit. If you have not subscribed to or followed Expatriotical will you please do so? And while you’re in there pressing the subscribe or +  button in your app, if you have time to, would you rate and review the podcast, that would be so helpful and I would be ever so grateful!

 

Thank you all so much! I hope you have a great rest of your week and I’ll meet you back here again next week. Until then, this is Chandra Alley reminding you to “Live and Travel in the Know” with Expatriotical!